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- Do Not Read This
- Do Not Read This Either
- Not This One Either
- Neither Should You Read This
- This One? Yeah, No.
- Please Back Away
- I SAID, "Back The **** AWAY!!"
- Hey. HEY! Don't EVEN!
- I Know You're Thinking About It. Don't.
- Read This and Things Are Gonna Get Reeeeeeeal Ugly
- Stay Away. I've Rigged This To Explode.
- New Constitutional Amendment: Do Not Read This Comic
- Don't You Have Better Things to Do?
- Instead of Reading This Comic, Go Out and Live Your Life
- GET. OUT. NOW!
- Matthew 13:42 Refers to Readers of This Comic
- Read This And I Will Just Snap
- No Means No
- Get Your Eyes Off This Comic You Damn Dirty Ape!
- I'm Running Out Of Ways To Say, "Don't Read This Comic."
- I Am Shaking My Head Disapprovingly
- Uh Uh. Not Happening.
- Scram!
- Do NOT Make Me Repeat Myself
- Reading This Is Just a Bad Life Decision
- If You Read This, I'm Telling Mom!
- *Wags Finger*
- I Implicitly Trust That You Will Not Read This
- Do Not Defile Yourself With This Filth
- 30 Strikes And You're Out, Bucko
- For The *LAST TIME*: DO NOT READ THIS COMIC!!
- Quit This Comic. And Don't Quit Quitting.
- My Heart Cries Out: Do Not Read This!!!
- Live A Life Without Regret.
- Think Of The Children!
- Your Dead Relative Is Turning Over In Their Grave!
- Uh Uh. NOT Happening.
- Losers Read This Comic. Be a Winner!
- Just... Why?
- Make smart decisions. Do not read this.
- Vamoose!
- You're Old Enough to Know Better
- Just Wait Until Your Father Hears About This!
- Have You No Shame?
- Not Sure If I Said This Before But "Do Not Read This!"
- Because I Said So!
- You Can't Un-Read It Once It's Been Read
- I Have A Nun With A Ruler Just Waiting For An Excuse
- Uh... Yeah, No.
- Read My Lips, "Not This Comic"
- There's Wrong and There's Wrong and Then There's This
- You'll Understand When You're Older
- You Know What's REALLY Cool? Not Reading This.
- Big Fat "Nope" For This One Too
- You're Better Than This
- Santa is Watching!
- This Is a New Low
- Readers Are Subject to Fines of Up To 1000 Doll Hairs
- If You’re Going to Not Read Just One Comic, This Is It
- If All Your Friends Jumped Off a Bridge, Would You?
- The Guilt You Feel Is Punishment Enough
- God May Forgive You, But I Will Not
- Abandonate Omnes Spes, Vos Qui Intrastis
- If I've Told You Once, I've Told You a Thousand Times...
- You'll Have No One To Blame But Yourself
- I'm Asking You Nicely Not To Read This. Next Time I Won't.
- Uh Uh. Buh-Bye.
- Just Say "No" To This Comic
- This Comic Is Always the Greater of Two Evils
- This Comic Is Ill Advised
- Read This and You're in for a World a' Hurt
- This Comic Isn't Even Worth a Hate-Read
- Give Not Into Temptation
- I'm Not Asking. I'm Telling.
- This Comic Is a Pandora's Box of Sadness
- You Should Know Without Me Telling You
- Don't Read This Comic, And I Mean It!
- Anybody Wanna Peanut?
- This Time, I'm Putting My Foot Down
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