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Ordinary broke millennials Bianca and Sparrow adopt a puppy -- which turns out to be an immortal shapeshifting battle monster. (They call him Patrick.) Now Bianca’s in a soul-binding ownership contract, rich and powerful people are tracking them down to pick magical fights...and they still can’t find any companies that are hiring. Also: politics, comedy, found families, power dynamics, Jewish mysticism, and gay stuff.

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